Survey Says

Richard Dawson died yesterday.  If you were living under a rock in the 1970s (also, not having been born yet is an acceptable answer), Richard Dawson was the original host of the awesome game show Family Feud.  Staying home sick from school in the 70s was always awesome for me because there were a slew of game shows on.  I remember the giddy anticipation of being able to lie on the couch for hours on end and watch these fabulous game shows.  Daytime Wheel of Fortune.  Concentration.  Card Sharks.  The Price Is Right.  And of course, Family Feud.  Richard Dawson always came across as one smooth dude.  He kissed every woman on there (upwards of over 20,000 by most estimates) and was always a gentleman even when things weren't going all that smoothly.  Below is one of my favorite Richard Dawson/Family Feud moments.  It cracks me up every time.  Survey says...we're gonna miss you, Richard. 

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One Per Customer, Ma'am

This video is old (2007), but I still find it highly amusing.  There are some things money can't buy.  A little sense appears to be one of them. 

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No Need For Questions

Did you hear about the guy down on Florida who was all hopped up on some sort of wacky new drug (bath salts, I believe) and ate a homeless guy's face clean off? If you haven't heard about it, it's just exactly what it sounds like it is.  Florida is really trying hard to solidify its status as America's wackiest state.  And with this little incident, I don't think that they have anything to worry about.  The title is safely in the hands of its people.

And of course, what do you think happened after the guy was shot dead right in the middle of all of the face eating (also known as cannibalism)?  That's right.  Members of his family and people who knew him were interviewed.  Do you think that their answers differed from other times that people have done horrible things and people who knew them are asked about their character?  (As if it would even matter at that point.  I don't care if someone was a freaking Boy Scout for his entire life.  If you eat off someone's face, every good thing that you'd accomplished prior to your meal is irrelevant.)  Of course they didn't. 

It's not even just the interviews that are asinine.  Here's a headline from the Miami Herald: "Questions remain about why naked man on Miami causeway tried to rip flesh off another man's face". Questions remain?  Well, of course questions remain!  He ate the guy's face, for cryin' out loud!  It's not easily explained!  And really, what if it was?  Is an explanation going to make people think, "Ohhhh.  So that's why.  Oh, well, that makes sense!  OK.  I was confused before I heard the explanation.  But now that it's been explained, it's all good."  Does that EVER happen? I don't think it does. 


And why can't the "explanation" ever just be something simple.  eg, Hey, the guy was nutty as a fruit bat.  He was also high as a freaking kite.  Why isn't something like that ever given as the "explanation"?  Why does there always have to be some sort of deep seeded meaning in these things?  Crazy is a highly underrated rationale for many, many behaviors.  I wish people would realize that more and act accordingly.  Then again, it helps if the person being asked these questions isn't a little bit crazy themselves, as seems to be the case with his girlfriend. 

See, the girlfriend was asked for her thoughts on the matter and she came up with a couple of really great possibilities.  The first was that he "...was drugged unknowingly."  Because of course, that's the sort of thing that happens all the time.  One minute you're fine and the next minute, you're drugged unknowingly and gnawing someone's face off.  It's either that or "The only other explanation, she said, was supernatural — that someone put a voodoo curse on him. The girlfriend...said she has never believed in voodoo, until now."  Right.  That's the only other explanation.  Voodoo.  A voodoo curse.  Because again, it's the sort of thing that happens all the time.  The ol' voodoo curse.  The ol' VDC.   Naturally.  Because according to her ""I don't know how else to explain this."  Yep.  Because it's either a voodoo curse or nothing.  All rightee then.  I think I'm done here.


Shouldn't that answer alone be reason enough to stop asking people their opinions on things like this?  Then again, maybe that answer alone is exactly the reason why people keep getting asked their opinions on things like that.  Voodoo curse is a pretty amusing answer.  And it definitely gives me a look inside of a cage at the human zoo that I didn't know was there.  OK, I'm convinced.  We should keep these sorts of interviews around.  I can't believe my mind was so easily swayed.  Do you think it was a voodoo curse?  I don't know how else to explain it. 

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HE Hit You?! Right.

Did you hear that Justin Bieber allegedly got into some sort of a scuffle with a paparazzi photographer?  According to the Daily Mail, the photographer is claiming that he was "...roughed up by the young pop star at a shopping center." He also "...complained of pain to his chest."  Oh, please. 

Have you seen Justin Bieber ever?  The guy is barely 18 years old and looks like he might weight 90 pounds if he were soaking wet.  And this photographer guy is saying that he assaulted him?  Just how miniscule was this photographer?  Does he really want to be known as the guy who couldn't handle a punch (whatever that would entail) from the extremely effeminate and rather wispy Justin Bieber?  Dude, just go home.  Don't mention a word of it to anyone.  Save whatever dignity you might have as a paparazzo and just move on. 

I don't know exactly what happened other than what's alleged by the photographer.  But I do know that some of the pictures taken after the alleged "assault" are fairly amusing.  They don't exactly show Mr. Bieber to be a seasoned fighter in any sense of the word.  He looks more like a teenager who just rolled out of bed and is rather disoriented by his surroundings.  Let's take a look at the "assailant".  Behold! 

Yeah, he looks real vicious there.  And he has his little girlfriend picking up his hat for him.  He can't pick up his hat, but he can hit a photographer?  Why is his hair so messed up?  Is it hat hair or is it from all of the alleged assaulting?  Let's look at another. 

He looks like a zombie.  And by the way dude, nice socks.  Yeah, white and green and purple striped socks.  Real manly.  Yet the photographer is insisting that the hunk of masculinity that you see above was able to hit him in the chest to an extent that required a call to 911?  Maybe the photographer was a teenage girl.  That would explain it.  A little.  Not entirely, but a little.  Another picture, please. 

Look at that one.  He can barely balance himself enough to stand upright.  Maybe it was windy outside and he's trying not to be blown over.  And really, the medallions aren't helping his causes here.  One more picture...

The purple shoes remind me of Grimace from McDonald's.  And quite frankly, Grimace is more manly than Justin Bieber is.  It'd be more believable if the paparazzi guy had said he was assaulted by Grimace.  Look at him!  He can't even put on his shoe without his 80-pound girlfriend holding him up!  I'm supposed to believe that he assaulted someone enough to do damage?  I think not. 

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Donald Trump - Birther. Part Deux

What the hell is up with Donald Trump?  Maybe more intriguing, what the hell is up with Mitt Romney with Donald Trump?  Seriously, I don't know if anyone, other than perhaps The Donald himself, gives a fat rat's ass what Donald Trump thinks.  And lately, it's become increasingly apparent that what he thinks is that President Barry wasn't born in the United States.  (I'll say it again.  He's not a Kenyan.  He's a socialist.  Why is that so hard for people to understand?)  I thought that we settled this issue many months ago?  And while I normally enjoy political idiocy, this has managed to push even me past the boundaries of what I usually relish in.  We still have two wars going on and an economy that is kind of like a sickly relative that seems to be doing OK one day, but the next day you know that they could go straight downhill.  And Donald Trump keeps bringing up the birth certificate issue.  Good Lord. 

First of all, let's look at Donald Trump for who he is.   He's the host of Celebrity Apprentice.   He's a game show host.  Why is the press giving ample time to a game show host?!  Do we care what Pat Sajak or Alex Trebek have to say about the issue?  No, we don't.  And do you know why we don't?  Because it would be asinine, that's why.  (Seriously, if someone came up to you and said, "Hey, the guy who tells everyone whose turn it is to spin the Wheel of Fortune thinks that Obama's a Kenyan."  What would you say?  You certainly wouldn't turn on the evening news and wait for the lead story to be about Pat Sajak's political stance, would you?  No!  Because it would be stupid, that is correct.)  But for some reason, Donald Trump - game show host, has his birther theories  mentioned in over 4,000 news stories according to The Google.  

But more perplexing than that is Mitt Romney.  Mitt seems to be fully embracing Donald Trump's support.  Even going as far as to appear on stage with him.  Why on earth would you want to associate yourself with a crazy person such as Donald Trump?  What in the world is Mitt thinking?  I've read speculation that perhaps Donald Trump is doing this in order to win Mitt Romney's support and thereby essentially be supporting President Barry by making Mitt look like a tool.  There are several things wrong with that theory, the first of which is that Mitt already looks like a tool most of the time.  He's stiff and unrelatable to most people.  Second, I have a hard time believing that someone with an ego the size of Trump's is going to think that his acting like a lunatic is going to benefit someone else.  No, I'm beginning to believe that Trump really does hold crazy birther ideas and wants to spout them to everyone because he thinks that he's right.  But that still doesn't explain Mitt embracing that sort of support. 

I can't take much more of this.  This country is like a small child with ADHD.  We're so easily distracted by shiny objects that we can't seem to focus on what's important.  And really, if President Barry was born in Kenya (which he was not), is that such a great thing?  Do you really want Joe Biden as our President?  Holy crap, I don't think that you do!   Would I care if it turned out that he wasn't born in the United States?  Hell yes, I would!  That would be awesome!  That would be the biggest fuster cluck of a news story ever!  I'd have blog material for weeks!  But this isn't about me (no matter how much I wish that it was).  This is about people taking their eye off the prize.  Focus people!  Focus! 

I wish that there was a solution to all of the craptastic reporting that is going on lately.  Why would anyone in their right mind give time to Donald Trump and his crazy-ass birther theories when there are so many more important things to be discussing?  Has the media really become that complacent?  I don't even think that I can consider it sensationalistic because it's such an incredibly stupid topic.  I guess it's just depressing and I'll leave it at that for now. 

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Relationship Status: Doomed

David's Bridal did some sort of online survey and found out that 49 percent of brides or brides-to-be answered 'yes' to whether or not they would change their Facebook relationship status to "Married" during their wedding.  During the wedding was determined to be at some point before the reception.  So I guess I could take that to mean that some of those brides just whipped their cell phone right on out of their corset as soon as they heard "I now pronounce you husband and wife".  I have no proof of that, but the whole concept seems so ridiculously insane to me to begin with that I really can't imagine that it wouldn't happen. 

After learning that slightly disturbing little factoid, I decided to check and see what the divorce rate in this country is at these days.  It's hovering just a little bit below 50% overall when you combine the divorce statistics from all of the categories (eg first marriage, second marriage, third marriage, what age you were during which marriage, etc.).  Huh.  That's right around the same percentage of people who feel the need to change their Facebook status before their freaking wedding ordeal is even over.  I realize that the divorce rate has been around 50% long before Facebook came around.  I'm not holding out any hope that it's going to go down anytime soon. 

Can there really be anything good that's going to come out of updating your Facebook status right smack dab in the middle of what is supposed to be one of the most important days of your life?  I can't imagine that there is.  See, the thing that those people don't quite understand is that it isn't all that important to everyone else what in the hell your Facebook status is.  I don't give a crap what any of my Facebook friends relationship statuses are.  Why would I?  And why would anyone else?  What Facebook says about your relationship status is so much less important than at least a hundred other things.  I'm not sure what this says about people, but I don't think that it's anything good. 

I'm going to be interested to see how the divorce rates are effected by Facebook in the coming years.  That is, provided that something new and cooler than Facebook doesn't make it obsolete.  (Hello?  MySpace?)  Actually, what would be cool is if we could track all of those dimwits who took the survey and said that they'd change their Facebook status before their wedding was over.  I want to know what their marital status is in five years.  I would be interested in seeing if it would be over 50% for that group of people.  I've got five bucks that says those marriage are doomed.  Doomed!  The rest of us aren't going to fare much better either if we have to be subjected to folks like that.  Facebook - Getting folks to take themselves way too seriously since 2004.

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Welcome Back

We've all seen various soldier coming home videos. And they're all awesome. This one is no exception. Enjoy the awesomeness.

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Happy Memorial Day

Happy Memorial Day.  Say, if you're looking for a great charity to donate to as a way to honor those who have voluntarily served our fine country, perhaps consider donating to Fisher House.  You can learn more about what they do by clicking here.  It's a great organization that does great work.  And they really make the best use out of your money, as 96% of your donation goes toward the program.  (They only spend 2% of donations on administrative costs.  That is practically unheard of in the charity world.  Oh, and the other 2% go for fundraising.  They're extremely efficient.)  It's really a great organization that provides a much needed service.

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Everything's Ruined!

Remember Casey Anthony?  She is the soulless creature in Florida who was acquitted of murdering her daughter Caylee and then covering up said murder with some whackadoo story about the kid being kidnapped by a babysitter?  The only way that I can figure out that she would have been acquitted is because it was in Florida, America's wackiest and dimmest state.  After having been in hiding since her improbably acquittal, she's now back in the news and there's a lot to take from this latest story. 

She's being sued by a woman named Zenaida Gonzalez.  That's the name of the woman who Casey claimed had kidnapped her daughter.  See, the woman is kind of pissed because, well, her name was sort of dragged through the mud.  You know, after being accused of being, at the very least, a baby kidnapper and at the very worst, a baby murderer.  And since none of that was true (Casey did admit to fabricating that whole tale), she decided that she should sue her.  Seems about right to me.  Want to guess how Casey feels about it? 

Obviously, someone who seems to have been (and likely was) responsible for the death of their child is not going to be someone who has any sort of appropriate reaction to any sort of appropriate actions being taken against them.  This is no exception.  Casey has been in hiding since the surprising (and seemingly wrong) verdict was handed down.  That seems like the smartest thing that she's done from the beginning of this fiasco, as there were plenty of nutjobs out there who wouldn't have thought twice about killing her.  (I'm not saying that anyone deserves to be the victim of vigilante justice simply because someone doesn't agree with how the law played out in a particular instance.  But I am saying that I'd be OK with about 2% vigilante justice.  I'm also saying that I'd like to test this theoretical paradigm of justice out on Casey Anthony.  See?  Completely reasonable!) 

According to People Magazine, Casey Anthony "... is angry that her required appearance will affect her plans to leave the country after her probation ends in August. She will now have to be available to testify."  Yeah, it must be completely angering when the person whose good name you totally slandered (and essentially accused them of murder) is upset enough to sue you.  How frustrating!  I mean, she expected this to just be done.  Let bygones be bygones and the past be the past!  How dare this woman want to hold her accountable for her actions?!  The nerve of some people, I swear...

But here's my favorite part of the article: "Casey was really hoping to leave Florida and never look back," explains a source close to her. "She was really ready to move on with her life. This has ruined everything." Really?  This has ruined everything?!  Soooo...it's not anything that she did or that she brought upon herself, of course.  It's not like Casey Anthony had any hand in all of the ruining.  No, this has nothing to do with her and now everything is 'ruined'.  She was done and ready to 'move on'!  OK, then.  Wow.  What a narcissistic lunatic. 

Hey, you know what?  I was thinking that I might like to leave the country for a while.  I wonder how Casey Anthony is able to afford that (assuming that it's even true)?  According to the article "She does nothing but sit in front of her computer and eat." Anthony remains unemployed and broke, and, according to probation reports, she recently stopped attending counseling."  Hey, I eat in front of my computer too!  Sure, I do other things and I don't kill small children, but maybe I'll be able to get in on this going out of the country dela after all!  She's unemployed and broke, yet a-fixin' to leave the country?  Is she going to stow away in the wheel well of a plane?  (Let's hope that's her plan, as not many people actually survive that trip.)  Most countries don't let you just wander in without a job or any money and live there.  Granted, I could see why she might be under that impression as that's apparently what this country does.  But I assure you, it's not that way anywhere else. 

Why am I not surprised that she's just annoyed by this entire thing?  I guess she thinks that when you are miraculously acquitted of killing your kid that you'd just be able to go on with your life as if nothing ever happened and that everyone else should just leave you alone.   How annoying that she's still being asked to be accountable for herself.  It's ruining everything, don't you know?  You know, probably the person who really should think that everything has been "ruined" would be her daughter.  You know, the dead one.  Were she able to hold an opinion on this matter at the moment, I'm guessing "ruined" might be one word that she would use to describe everything that went on.  One minute, you're a cute little 2-year old girl and the next minute you're dead somewhere in a Florida swamp.  That's the definition of everything being "ruined".  Being asked to explain yourself when you've implemented a totally innocent person in your little scheme?  Not so much. 

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In A Galaxy 35 Years Later

This weekend, this Memorial Day weekend, it is the 35th anniversary of the release of Star Wars.  I saw it with my family in the theater when I was eight.  I don't know what's worse.  That it was that long ago that I saw that movie or that I totally remember the trailer that I have provided you with below.  (Or here if it doesn't work.)  I guess neither one of them are very settling.  And after watching the trailer, quite frankly, I'm amazed that this thing ever got off the ground.  It doesn't look that impressive.  Really?  Those were the best scenes that they could think of to tempt us with?  I mean, I guess it must have worked and all, but in that case, what does it say about us, the viewers?  We sure were awfully accepting of mediocre entertainment before the Internet came along to constantly amuse us 24 hours a day.  But really, I don't perceive the movie itself being as mediocre as this preview seems to be.  I don't quite get that.  Maybe you can explain it to me.  Behold! 

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